Tip To Improve Communication
By Catherine Hamilton
Great communication is the foundation for any healthy relationship and being able to talk openly and honestly about each other’s feelings is key to understanding each other and resolving conflict productively.
With this in mind, here’s five tips to foster healthy communication in your relationship, maximizing the happiness of both you and your partner.
1. Aim to resolve conflict.
While this might seem obvious, many of us enter into conversations about conflict with the intention of winning an argument — rather than ensuring both sides are heard and understood.
When bringing up something that’s bothering you — or when your partner does the same — remember to view yourselves as part of the same team, and focus on working together to solve the conflict, rather than determining who’s right.
Remember: it’s not you and your partner against each other — it’s the pair of you against the problem.
2. Listen to understand.
Often, even when we’re quiet as our partner vents their issues, we’re not listening with the motives we should have.
Especially when our partner is expressing something we disagree with, we fall into the habit of quietly waiting for our turn to speak — rather than listening with the intent to better understand our partner’s point of view.
However, if we don’t make a particular effort to listen and understand where our partner is coming from, they may feel unheard in the relationship — especially if, as a result of not taking on board their point of view, you don’t take action that could improve the health of the relationship.
3. Don’t point fingers.
If we’re upset about something, it can be easy to point the finger and assign blame to our partner — especially if their actions are having a direct impact on our happiness.
However, assigning blame can make our partner feel defensive and persecuted. As a result, they may feel less motivated to alter any problematic behavior.
Often we assign blame unintentionally with our language — using “you” statements, while we should instead be using “I” statements that focus on the way their behavior makes us feel.
In general, our partners don’t want to cause us pain, so framing your concerns like this are more likely to inspire them to make changes or come to an understanding, since they want you to be happy.
Take responsibility.
As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango”.
In the vast majority of relationship conflicts, both parties share some portion of the blame. When one person apologizes for their part in causing a problem, it makes the other feel a lot more comfortable doing the same.
When both partners sincerely apologize to each other, it validates everyone’s feelings. From this point, it becomes a lot easier to constructively communicate about what you should both do going forward to avoid conflict in the future.
Make the time.
Regardless of whether you need to discuss something in particular, you should regularly try to create space in your schedule for openly communicating with your partner.
By dedicating time specifically to talk about your thoughts and feelings, it will allow each person to discuss anything on their minds — including positive things, providing a time to express gratitude for our partner too.
Making time for open communication creates a great opportunity to resolve conflicts, understand each other better and support each other in every way.
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